Words Left Unspoken

They couldn’t see me no matter how hard they looked

I wasn’t invisible but all there either

There were smiles and laughter and everything in between

But really, none of that had any meaning

 

Questions rose in other people’s heads

When they caught glimpses of sadness on my face

They dug, they searched, but could never see within

To the inside of a yearning heart, trying to fly

 

Then you came around and those walls of defense caved in

Suddenly, everything was crystal clear

 

I was a mystery that no one could get

If they thought they knew me, they’d lose the bet

I left clues everywhere but never the complete me

But you’re different, you can look at me and actually see

Mr. Detective, you’ve cracked my puzzle

I thought I was done, forever lost, unreadable

I was left uncompleted, too hard to piece together until I met you

And now I’m solved

 

Through lies and stories, I weaved my faux life

They plugged in words where none fit but always came to a dead end

Soon, they wind up giving up

Leaving me behind forgotten

 

I have dreams, hopes, emotions too

They’re just harder to find, hidden beneath

I built a wall not to block people out

But to see who cares enough to climb over

 

Then you came around and that wall just fell down

Suddenly, I was naked, you could see my everything

 

CHORUS

 

A mystery that seemed too hard

Fell to pieces the moment you touched me

You figured me out in one glance, you completed my puzzle

I’m solved.

By: Annie L.

When I turn away, time stands still

What hurts the most is that I know I’m never turning back around

It wouldn’t hurt so much to walk away if I didn’t know that you weren’t going to come after me

Gravity seems to be hard at work

Cause I can’t lift my foot to take a step forward

Instead my heart drags my mind backwards to the past

 

To all the memories of you and me

To the way it was supposed to be

The way it played in my dreams every single night

But I have to give it up now, I don’t have any more strength left to fight

I nearly drowned myself in the tears shed for you

And still, I’m alone in this bed made for two

But you know what they say, letting go is a form of love

So I guess everything has just come down to nothing

And it’s time for me to make that choice

But no matter what I say…

I hate you because I still love you

But I’m letting you go

Can’t hold on to invisible strings no more

I’m letting you go

Letting you go

 

It feels so strange to watch you through a window

I’m on the outside now

The smiles, the hugs, the kisses belong to another girl you found

I used to make you smile like that

Make your eyes sparkle like stars in the night sky

But baby, now it’s so dark out

And I have to force myself to sleep, whispering a lie

That I don’t need someone like you to be happy

Well, the thing is my happiness is the definition of you

So I guess it’s half the truth

Cause baby, I don’t have you no more

 

The future made of you and me

The way it is suppose to be

The way it’s played so many times in my head

The way it happens in those stupid fairy tales I read

I’m through crying tears for you

But seriously, there seems to be nothing else I can do

So what happened to the wings you gave me to fly

Cause now, I can’t even imagine ever seeing another blue sky

But it sucks cause no matter what I say…

I hate you because I still love you

But I’m gonna let you go

Cause it’s impossible to break up a heart that doesn’t exist as a whole no more

I’m letting you go

Letting you go

 

And I guess one day, someone’s gonna thank you for leaving me behind

But it ain’t coming through my mouth

They say love is letting go of fear

But nobody told me that it meant facing my own tears

But I just want you to know

That I’m never gonna forget…

 

You and me

How it’s supposed to be

How your reaching hands touched my heart

How you swore we’d never be apart

The broken promises you left for me to decipher

Wondering where I went wrong

All by myself…this broken love song

But now it’s time to be brave

And do something for me for once in my life

I’m letting you go

Letting you go…

By: Annie L.

 

It’s gonna storm tonight

You can feel the humidity in the air

The smell of moisture in every suffocating breath you take in

You deny it so many times, it’s useless…you’re scared

You hide in the corner, holding onto every last piece of yourself

Whatever you have a grip on because you know none of it will stay

You hold on tight or you’re afraid it’ll all wash away

 

But baby, I’m telling you…

When the rain comes down, you stand back up

When the lightning illuminates the sky, you can start to cry

When the thunder cracks the air, don’t be afraid

I’m never letting go of you.

When the streets flood with water, don’t back down

When you feel like you’re drifting under, just hold on to my hand. It’s all going to turn around.

When it feels like there’s no hope, hope even harder

I promise you…

I won’t let you drown

 

Listen now, the storm will stop.

You won’t slip away…not from me.

I’ll be here. Don’t listen to what they say.

There is always a brand new day

Clear skies and beaming sunshine

On your shoulders, it’ll come in time

I got you baby, so remember…

 

When the rain comes down, you stand your ground

When the lightning flashes in the sky, don’t be afraid to cry

When the thunder whips through the air, don’t fall into your fears

I’m never letting you go.

When the water rushes down the streets like an everlasting river, don’t let it pull you away

When you feel like you’re slipping, just look into my eyes and you’ll be okay

When it feels like everything you’ve ever known is falling apart, just hold on even tighter

I promise you…

I won’t let you drown

 

I can’t stop the rain from coming down

But I can be your umbrella

I can’t tell you to stop crying

But I can dry your tears

I can’t stop the pain

But I can be with you every step of the way

Don’t be afraid

I won’t let you down

I won’t let you drown

 

By: Annie L.

 

I watch you from the corner of the room

In silence, my heart pounding with every breath

Frozen

Every small smile never escapes my gaze

The brilliant sparkle of your eyes never go unnoticed

 Beauty

 

Do you know how painful it is?

To want what you absolutely may not have

To love even though you hate every second of it

To feel so obsessed, it frightens the hell out of you

 

Loving someone you can’t touch

So hard but it comes with so much ease

The world wouldn’t understand or accept this kind of love

It cannot be spoken.

It cannot be heard.

It will be shunned.

Love like this is forbidden. Is unwanted. Is untouchable. Is unreasonable.

Uncontrollable.

 

You think I want to love you?

This time there’s no one to blame for the pull from your heart that won’t let me go

Addiction

The way you laugh with everyone else but me

The way you speak to everyone else but me

Unnoticed

The way I’m different but I still don’t stand out enough for you

What do I have to do?

To what extreme?

 

I hate when I dream about you

I wish I never knew you but I know I would live a life of regret if I did

Confusion

When you cry, I want to hold you in my arms and promise you immunity from all pain

But my feelings are left inside to torture while all you see is a smile from me

Hidden

If you looked deep into my eyes, you might be able to decipher the want I feel for you

 Read my soul through my eyes like I do everyday to you

 Vulnerability

 

Loving someone you can’t touch

So difficult but it comes as easily as breathing

The world turns away from this kind of love

It cannot be revealed.

It cannot be shown.

It will be ripped apart. Torn into shreds.

Love like this is forbidden. Is unnecessary. Is unreversible. Is undeniable.

Uncontrollable.

 

I’ll never let you see.

This feeling inside of me.

I can only watch from afar

Everything I’ll ever want.

I’ll ever need.

 

I’ll never have.

You. 

By: Annie L. 

Those moments when it feels like no one understands you

It seems like there’s only one way to go and you can’t fight the wave

It’s pulling you under

Your life…your hopes…your dreams. It’s all about to cave

 

So what if I cry without a tear

So what if I lie so I don’t have to say goodbye

To save my heart from being broken

To hide myself from the open

Is that so wrong?

To feel so much there aren’t words to explain

To love somebody who’s forbidden to claim

So what if I want more than I can have

So what if you only see me laugh

Because to be without being

Would be like dying without living

 

When you want to shout out, to show the world the real you

You’re afraid of what they say, what they might do

So you close your mouth and speak without words

Hoping someone somewhere might hear you

 

So what if I try when I can’t try no more

So what if I can’t follow your dreams because I want my own

To hold my feelings inside

To smile when I want to cry

Is that so wrong?

To crave to be wanted when I’m not perfect

To fight for absolutely nothing worthwhile

So what if I die with empty pockets and a life without regret

So what if I surrender my individual soul to follow the lies of others

Because to be without being

Would be like dying without living

 

For once, let the world stop in motion

Time stands still so that all they can finally hear…

 

Is the silent tears of a heart

Is the lies revealed to put off goodbye

Is the emotions that had been too much

Is the love that no one could accept

 

Is the hope among the hopeless

Is the dream of a dreamer untouched

Is the bliss of the poor

Is the guidance of a hidden leader

 

And they will see…

To be without being

Would be like dying without living

 

~Annie L.

 

There are some moments where you have so much to say but you don’t let out a word.

Some times when you are feeling so much and you just can’t show any of that emotion.

There are words that you can’t say out loud but can flood the paper through your pencil.

I hope these poems can let out these unspoken thoughts, feelings, and words.

~Annie

Chapter Four

I blinked my eyes rapidly against the bright sunlight streaming in from my window. A smile formed on my lips as I saw the beautiful day outside. I sighed happily and then glanced at the digital clock on my bedside table. “7:30” It blinked. “Oh my god! Dang it!” I yelled and jumped out of bed. I was going to be late for school. I ran over to my closet and thrust it open. I pulled out a bunch of clothes and tried each and every single one of them on. Finally, I decided on a Nanette Lepore white v-neck shrug and jeans. I rapidly ran a comb through my hair and slipped on a white headband. I grabbed my school bag and my Coach purse and hurried down the stairs. My parents were seated at the kitchen table calmly eating breakfast when they looked up and saw me. My mom’s eyes widened in surprise and she stood up.

“Goodness Val! Why are you still here? I thought you already left for school!” She cried out. I moaned and poured myself some milk and drained it before answering.

“Oh no, I slept overboard. I’m going to be late. Gotta go! Bye Mom, bye Dad.” I grabbed a pop tart out of the carton before racing out to our garage. I slid into the seats of my red convertible and started the engine. Just as I was about to pull out of the driveway, my mom appeared at the door, waving her arms wildly. I stopped and looked at her, “What is it, mom?” She ran forward and handed me my baby blue wool coat and smiled.

“It’s cold outside honey. I don’t want you to freeze.” I rolled my eyes but grinned at her gratefully and took the jacket.

“Thanks, mom. Now, I really gotta run!” I pulled the car and raced out of the alley and drove towards Bauer High School.

I pulled into the parking lot and jumped out of the car. I raced into the school just as the 1^st bell rang. I ran to my locker and yanked at the lock. Dang it! I forgot my combination! Why does this always happen to me? I slammed my fist on the metal door and it bounced right back. Ouch! God! Cradling my hurting hand, I ran 5 lockers down to my friend, Isabella Raines and tapped her on the shoulder. Tossing her thick, silky, black hair, she turned around to face me. A sad smile lightened her face.

“Val! Ohmigod, I’m so sorry about Josh! You never arrived at the beach. We turned on the radio at your party and we heard. Oh god. It’s so horrible! If he had only made it to the party…” She reached over and hugged me tightly. The news hit me hard in the stomach and whipped the breath out of me as I remembered what happened last night. I had been in such a rush this morning that I had forgotten about everything. My head all of a sudden started spinning wildly and I felt sick to my stomach. I was quiet for a whole minute as I tried to take in fresh, breaths against the horrible, sick, memory that was flooding my brain.

I held onto Bella and whispered softly, “Thanks Bells. It’s okay.” She let go of me, stared me in the eye for a second and then a small smile appeared on her olive-toned face.

“So, what do you want? You came for a reason, I’m sure.” She asked in that soft, gentle voice of hers. I forced a weak twitch at the right side of my lips, hoping it would pass for a small smile.

“Yeah. Well, I uh…sort of um…forgot my locker combination.” I bit my lip and lowered my eyes, trying to stay on topic but my mind kept drifting back to last night.

Her light laugh tinkled the air and she replied, “Wow Val, that’s like the 3^rd time this week! What has gotten into you?” I blushed a little and shrugged.

“Yeah well, can’t help it that I don’t have a photographic memory like you do.” I tried to joke. She giggled again and I had to smile a little bit. Her laugh was so attractive, it could make anyone join in. She tossed her thick, mascara black, hair and recited my combination quickly off of the top of her mind.

My mouth dropped and shaking my head, I asked her in amazement, “How the heck do you do that?” She shrugged and winked at me before turning back to her locker. Whenever my friends and I forgot our combination or needed help on homework, we always turned to Bella. She was the smartest one in my group of buddies. She took all honor classes, got straight-A’s and still had time to join extra curricular stuff like Math teams and Science competitions and of course, cheerleading practice and football games. I spun my combination into the lock and my locker popped open. “Gotcha now, don’t I?” I smirked wryly and grabbed my history textbook and binder. The late bell sounded the halls and I groaned. What a great way to start the day, being late for first period!

I trudged into the cafeteria and frowned as I got in the long lunch line. I got a Caesars salad, a sugar cookie, and a glass of ice water and quickly paid for my lunch. I walked to the center of the cafeteria where all the jocks and cheerleaders hung out and slid into a plastic chair in between Bella and my best friend, Kimberly Dessler. Kim turned towards me with a sad look on her mildly freckled face.

“Oh Val honey! I am so sorry about Josh. I was so worried when you didn’t show up last night! Dang—to imagine what you must be going through! Ehmigawd…I’m so sorry! He was such a great guy and you guys were perfect together! I’m sure we all miss him. I mean he was a friend of us all. He was so funny and such an awesome guy.”

Bella’s boyfriend, Ryan added on, “Yeah, and he was the coolest friend and the best receiver this team’s ever had. Dang, we’ll miss not having him around. He was really a great person.” He fingered his orange-dyed hair and sighed softly. Most of the people who had overheard Kim and Ryan nodded their heads in agreement. I smiled weakly and stabbed a piece of lettuce with my sharp fork. I really didn’t want to talk about it, afraid that if I did I would want to burst into tears in front of everyone. I held still and tightened my grip on my fork. A cup of pain, hurt, and guilt was poured down my body into my heart. I know I should be grateful to have such great friends but I just didn’t feel very comfortable in this subject.

“Hey guys, I don’t think we should talk about it. I mean, we all miss him but I think it’s a little too early to be talking about him like that and not feeling bad, ya know?” a gentle voice urged. The voice had a soft, light, British accent brushed against it. It was Eric Watson, Kim’s new boyfriend. He just moved in from England three months ago and was still pretty new to the school. Luckily, he was good looking to Kim and she had taken a hold of him about one month after he arrived at Bauer. Now, he was popular just like the rest of us. Girls swooned when he walked down the hallway like they did with all the other football players and guys stared in jealousy everywhere he went. I smiled at Eric gratefully and sipped my water. He winked back at me and mouthed, “You’re welcome.” Cadence Whittaker, a close friend of mine, who was sitting across from me, suddenly slid forward in her chair and propped up her chin on her hands.

“I have the prefect plan! Let’s hang tonight. It’ll be just Bells, Ryan, Kim, Eric, me, Val, and Kyle. Persuperlistic, right?” My heart dropped. I didn’t feel like hanging out tonight at all—especially with my friends. I bit my lip and held my feelings inside.

“What, so per-soopa-listic is your new word?” Bella asked, raising an eyebrow. I smiled weakly. Cady is always making up new words. She’s the craziest and strangest girl I’ve ever meant. Even though it’s winter already, she still dresses in summer clothes—in bright neon or metallic colors too. Cady makes her own jewelry just like she makes up her own dictionary full of weird words. We all know how wild Cady is but her unique personality makes us all love her even more.

“Yeah, but its persuperlistic to you! It’s like perfect, super, fabulous, and fantastic all together in one!” She burst into her full, ringing, laugh and fluffed up her thick, red hair. “It’s so coolio right?” Kyle, her steady boyfriend brushed his lips against her cheek and stroke her hair fondly.

“Uh huh, you’re my smart Cady-baby aren’t ya? Always, extending her creativity.” Cady turned towards him and tweaked his nose.

“Oh yeah, you bet’cha babe! And I’m much more than that, right?” She winked at Kyle and kissed him deeply and soon they were involved in a major lip lock. Those two were the closest couple in the school! They’ve been going on for three years now, ever since 8^th grade.

“Oh, get a room!” Bella teased and they pulled apart but their eyes were still sparkling at each other. I bit my lip as my heart started to ache. Josh and I used to be that close too…if not even closer. I closed my eyes tightly for a second and took a deep, calm, breath and pasted another fake smile on my face. I could think about this later.

“I think it’s a great idea though. You know, hanging out after school—just you guys I mean. I don’t really feel like going.” I said. Kim frowned at me.

“Oh c’mon Val! It’ll be fun!” she urged.

“Yeah, it’ll take away some of your thoughts about ya know!” Cady added, pouting. I shook my head.

“I’m sorry guys, I just really want some time alone after school.”

“PLEASE! It won’t be fun without you!” Bella cried, shaking my arm. I looked at her and sighed. Kim saw me swaying on the line between yes and no and quickly jumped in.

“Yeah! Val, c’mon. It’s just one night. It’ll be great.” I finally collapsed and reluctantly agreed.

“Yea! Let’s hit the mall!” Ryan offered. Kim smiled and nodded, adjusting her cardigan against her fit body.

“Okay then. How ‘bout…5:00 after school?” She took control of the situation and looked around for our answers. I nodded when her eyes lingered on me and for emphasis I added a bright smile, hoping it would be good enough. She nodded and winked at me just as the bell rang. I stood up and dropped my half eaten salad into the trashcan as I passed it and hurried on to Biology.

I tapped my mechanical pencil against the wooden desk and brushed a thick lock of hair behind my ears. Mrs. O’Brian was up front, writing some sort of long equation on the white board. Everyone was bent over their desks scribbling away but I couldn’t seem to concentrate. It felt like a huge chunk of me was missing and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t fill it. I sighed and ran my tongue against my teeth. I just couldn’t believe that Josh was really…dead. He was gone. Forever. What made it worse was that I could have stopped it. I could have been there! God! I gritted my teeth and hated myself for not doing anything.

Then, there was Ginger. Poor girl. She never was popular and never had many friends and just because of basically being in the wrong place at the wrong time, she was gone too. Guilt washed over me like waves crashing against a sandy beach. My conscience was nudging me and saying, “Did you really have to kill her, Val? She didn’t mean to do anything!” I grimaced as if someone had just pinched me. Conscience was half right. Maybe I shouldn’t have—hurt her. I swallowed the growing lump in my throat but it just wouldn’t go down. I felt sick and I was about to get a pass to go to the nurse, even though I knew perfectly well that this wasn’t something medicine could to fix, when suddenly, my phone vibrated in my pocket.

I glanced at Mrs. O’Brian still writing away on the board. I slipped my phone out and flipped it open with my thumb.

I shot a quick glance around the room and caught eye contact with Kim. She tilted her head to the side and winked at me before turning back to her own journal.

I hid the phone under my desk as I read.

Kim: Hey, u ok? don’t look so hot. i no u said at lunch u were k but i wanna make sure.

Kim was looking at me with questioning eyes. My thumbs flew as I tapped back.

Val: Ya, i’m k. promise

Right away, a message came back.

Kim: if u say so but we don’t have 2go2 that mall thing this afternoon. u can come over and we’ll just hang out at my place nsted.

Val: calm grl. we can still go2 the mall

Kim: sure? hey, is it josh?

Val: no, just a lil tired ;O

Kim: …..

Val: k, fine. I miss him. i just keep wondering if i could’ve dun sumthin mayb things would’ve turned out differently…

Kim: don’t do that 2 urself, v. it wasn’t ur fault.

At that comment, it took all my strength not to burst out laughing. Please. That reply just showed how much she knew. I swallowed hard before answering.

Val: ya, I no. dont worry bout me, ill be ok. cu after school, huh?

Kim: ….fine, we’ll tlk l8r

I quietly closed my phone and tucked it back into my pocket before checking to see what Mrs. O’Brian was doing.

She had turned around and was asking a question. Most hands were thrown up in the air and taking a risk, I put mine up too just to make her think I was paying attention. My heart pounded and I crossed my fingers, hoping she wouldn’t pick me. I got lucky and she pointed her gnarly finger at Madison Qin. I exhaled and managed a small, triumphant smile as I sat back in my seat.

I snuck a look at Kim across the room. Her hazel eyes were trained on me, her eyebrows creased with worry. I forced my best smile at her reassuringly and she seemed to buy it, looking back down at her notebook. I

I took a deep breath as I concentrated back on Mrs. O’Brian. On the outside, it looked like I was a student eager to learn more cal, but inside my heart, I was a lonely girl who was hurting bad. What was worse was that, I couldn’t say anything about it.

Chapter Five

It was about 4:30 when I pulled up in the driveway of my house. I grabbed my backpack and my Coach and barged into the house. Man, I was exhausted and I didn’t feel like going anywhere but if I didn’t go to the mall, my friends would probably guess

something was up. Nobody was home when I entered the house. Mom and Dad were both at work. Mom didn’t come home until 6:00 and Dad until 7:00. Mom and Dad…they didn’t know what had happened last night either. I shook my head sadly and tried to shake away the strange, undetectable, awfulness. It was like a heavy blanket smothering me. I realized that I would not tell them what had really happened. I couldn’t! They wouldn’t understand, they would be ashamed of me! Oh god! I trembled and tried to get a grip of myself. No, I wouldn’t tell them no matter how hard it was going to get, I told myself firmly. You have to! They’re your parents! They can help you! My conscience was arguing with me again. I shoved it out of my head and pulled off my pink scarf and jean jacket and threw them on the coat wrack. Then, I walked into the kitchen and to the phone hooked against the soft, peach-colored, wall. I needed to see if that mysterious admirer from last night had called like he said he would. Pressing a few buttons, I scrolled through the missing calls list but no “Unknown” showed. I put the phone back in its cradle and shook my head. I didn’t get why I was a little disappointed. I mean, yesterday, I had agreed that the voice had been a little bit creepy so why would I be so eager to hear it again?

Shaking my head, a little confused, I made my way through the high-ceilinged family room and long hallway that led to a spiraling staircase with polished wooden floorboards that formed the stairs. I shifted my backpack onto the other shoulder and mounted the stairs. I moved my way past the guest room, media room, study room, game room, the attic stairs, and finally stopped at my room at the end of the hall. I shoved open the door and dumped my stuff on my bed and sprawled out on my beanbag pushed against the corner nearest the window. I surveyed the room and sighed. I had been living here in Chesterfield for, like, forever and this room had been mine since I was 6 years old and yet, it seemed different now. It was a little weird and foreign, like a hotel room. My twin-sized bed was pushed against the wall, my blankets were rumpled up at the foot of the bed and my pillow was lazily thrown on the ground. Crusty plates, empty soda cans, and candy wrappers were shoved in a corner. My desk was crowed with pens, pencils, a ton of paper, and open textbooks. Other pieces of paper, some old, paperback romance novels, and a bunch of rejected clothing were thrown across the floor. My carpet sure needed vacuuming, cookie crumbs, dust, and nasty, black things blanketed the carpet. I wove through the mess expertly and pulled open the door that opened into my walk-in closet.

I dug inside and tugged out a few pairs of jeans and skirts and dumped them on my bed. Then, I leafed through my hangers. Forever 21? Nah. Ralph? Forget it. Tommy H.? Not feeling it. Finally, I agreed on a Juicy Couture scoopneck, striped, sweater, my favorite pair of Levi’s, and long, black, shiny, boots. I walked over to my dresser and surfed through bottles and jars of makeup for my comb. I ran it through my dark curls and stuck a blue barrette in it. After rubbing some shiny gloss on my lips and stuffing some more cash in my Ralph Lauren tote, I ran back down the spiraling staircase just in time to hear a loud HONK HONK outside. I pulled on my jean jacket and twisted my scarf back around my neck and shoved open the door.

Ugh! I forgot to leave a note for my mom to let her know where I was. I ran back in and to the computer that sat on the marble countertop. Opening the Notepad section, I quickly typed, Out at the mall with Kim and the gang, be back around 9. Will get my own dinner. <3 Val. After I finished, I jogged back outside and bounded down the stairs to the awaiting car. I had been expecting Kimmie’s pink Jeep but instead, there was a bright yellow Audi parked against the curb. I walked over to it and pounded on the driver’s tinted window. It rolled down and out popped Kyle’s thick, curly, head. He lowered his black sunglasses and raised an eyebrow.

“Kyle Mason, driver at your service, Ms. Valerie Kaylyn Parker.” He spoke in a low voice. I giggled and lightly hit his head.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Mr. Mason. Just let me in! It’s really cold out here.” He laughed and unlocked the passenger door. I slid into the seat and shivered. Thank goodness the heater was on full blast in here. I prepared myself to just sit there and stare out the window the whole ride to the mall. I still didn’t really want to go. All of a sudden, Kyle slammed his foot down and we shot forward like the speed of light. He started to whoop loudly and his face lightened with thrill and excitement. Well, I was in the exact opposite position.

I gripped the sides of the seat and yelled at him from the top of my lungs, “What the heck, Kyle!! Slow down! We’re in no hurry. God!” Grappling for my seatbelt, I glared at him. He flashed his goofy grin and slowed down. I blew out my breath and muttered. “Dang Kyle. I don’t get why you like driving so fast!”

“Uh, hello? That’s the whole point of driving. Why would the world have a bunch of sports cars and fancy cars like my old buddy, Anna Audi,” He came to a stop at a red light and gently stroked the side of his car like a beloved pet before continuing, “…if we can’t “race” in it? That’s like the whole point of me buying Anna here. For the thrill, the fun.” He laughed and fixed his dark blue bomber jacket as we parked in front of the Glentenville Mall. Shaking my head but not able to keep a small smile off my face, I stepped out of the car and pushed the door shut. I followed Kyle into the mall at the east entrance near Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream Parlor. Standing just outside their entrance were Kim and Eric holding hands and Bella talking on her phone. We walked over and Kim looked up.

“Hey guys! Wassup?” She tucked a lock of light blonde hair behind her ear.

“Nothin’ much, where’s Cady and Ryan?” Kyle asked Kim. Bella got off the phone and spun around, the string of snowflake bells hanging from her neck jingled.

“Oh, Ryan says he’s going to be late. He’s got swim practice. He says he’ll meet us at the food court in like an hour for dinner.” She said as she slid her phone into her L.V. handbag.

“Yeah, and Cady’s coming in 5. She’s just called.” Kim added quickly. Kyle nodded, satisfied and moved over to the counter.

“Why don’t we have some ice cream since we’re already here?” He stared at the many flavors, his eyes starting to sparkle.

“Yeah, and it’ll be my treat. I just got my salary.” Eric put in, running his hand through his sand-colored hair. We all agreed and named our ice cream flavors. Kim put her arms around Eric’s neck and kissed him lightly.

“Mmm…you are so sweet, Eric. I’d rather have you than that strawberry ice cream.” She teased him gently and nuzzled his nose. Eric smiled a little and pulled away.

“Yeah, I know you still want it though so let me get those ice creams.” He walked away from Kim and to the counter. Kim stood there and frowned slightly, crossing her arms over her chest. I strolled over to her and before I could say anything, she turned to look at me.

“Is my eyeliner messed up?” I examined her perfectly outlined eyes and shook my head confused. “Then are my lips sticky or a weird color?” I flicked my eyes over her smooth, pink, shimmery, lips and raised an eyebrow.

“No…why?” She just continued, oblivious of my questions.

“Okay, is my hair messed up? Am I talking funny? Do I look weird?” She pressed on. I just gave her a full look-over. Her almost-white, crimped, blonde hair gathered at her shoulders. As always, she looked like an angel in a cream-colored Alice Ritter tube dress that fell in soft folds at her upper thigh. I gave her a look of amusement and replied, “You look and sound like you always do, beautiful and dramatic. And again…why?” She sighed and plopped down on a chair in front of B&J’s.

“Then why is Eric acting all weird towards me? Did you see that? He basically walked away from me. I was talking to him, dangit! I like kissed him and he didn’t have any reaction! Oh no! I think I’m loosing my girl charm!” She looked up at the ceiling helplessly and then glared at the table.

“Uh…okay? I think he just wants ice cream or something. Just because he doesn’t wanna kiss you back doesn’t mean he’s acting weird towards you or anything. Geez Kimmie, lighten up! How could someone like him turn down someone as gorgeous as you? That’d be crazy! Don’t pay attention to it. Guys are like that. Sometimes, they like to be cuddled, sometimes they just wanna be tough. I mean, if I were you, I wouldn’t take it personally.” I swallowed, feeling uncomfortable with my own “boy advice.” Who was I to talk, I don’t even have a boyfriend anymore! Kim looked up at me standing over her and nodded.

“Yeah, guess you’re right. I’m just going paranoid. I dunno what I was thinking.” She examined her bright pink nails and started to chew one. I squinted my eyes at her and continued on, a little curious.

“And anyway, why would you care, Kimmie? You can have any boy you want in school! Why does it have to be Eric Watson you’re worried about?” I met her eyes and she quickly turned away, her tanned face starting to flush a little pink, her freckles starting to blend in with her pink face.

“W–what? W—w–what do you mean? He’s my um, boyfriend! Of course I wouldn’t like it if he didn’t pay attention t–to me.” She pretended to chew on another nail but I could tell the difference between real and acting.

“I think somebody’s jealous!” I said in a singsong voice, knowing deep down that I was acting a little cruel but I couldn’t stop for some reason and I nudged her. Her face turned red. Grinning like it was some kind of funny joke, I added on, “Man, Kim. You really like Eric don’t cha? You don’t want him to leave you! That’s why you’re so sensitive.” I began to giggle. Kim slapped me on the arm.

“What are you talking about? Don’t be an idiot!” She defended, her face still beet red.

“Oooo, you got that disease bad! You know, the sickness of LOVE. You’re head over heels!” I found that extremely funny for some weird reason and started to laugh out loud. Usually, I wouldn’t be pressing so hard on my best friend about some stupid subject like this but I couldn’t stop. Something was changing inside of me. Kim stood up, glaring at me.

“Shut up Val! Okay okay, I admit it! I like Eric a lot okay? Now will you stop bugging me about it! God, you are so mean! And it’s not like you aren’t head over heels with Josh. How the heck would you feel if he left you? Oh yeah, I forgot! He already did!” Her voice grew louder as rage trampled across it. When she screamed the last word in her last sentence, she realized her mistake and clapped her palm against her open mouth. It was too late, the painful words were already out in the air and I took it in and her words slapped me in the face hard like I had just opened the front door on a windy, snowy, winter night. A stunned expression flew onto my face and I backed away from my friend and looked away, hurt. Regret flashed on Kim’s face and her hand still covered her gaping mouth and she couldn’t think of anything to say. She stepped towards me but I moved away from her, tears threatening to explode in my eyes.

“Hey, Val…I am so sorry…I REALLY didn’t mean that AT ALL! You know sometimes I speak without thinking. You know how I am, I’m sorry!”

I shook my head and took in a shaky breath. Whispering softly, I managed to say, “I…I know Kim. It’s just—just the fact that those words are true it…oh god. It’s okay. Hold on, I’ll be okay soon.” I turned away from her and fought those tears back, trying to think of something else. Kim seemed speechless and all she could do was just stand there. All of a sudden, Eric came over and stood next to me.

“Hey, you okay? Here’s your ice cream.” He handed me my chocolate cherry ice cream cone. I took it without saying anything. Maybe Eric being there made her more confident because Kim walked over and put an arm around my shoulder.

“Oh c’mon Val. I didn’t mean that. It doesn’t mean anything. Please, don’t be sad or mad or whatever. You look so ugly when you’re upset!” My lips twitched a little.

Eric must’ve seen it because he added, “Yeah, I’ve never seen anyone as weird-

looking as you when you’re sad! You’re eyes are like all messed up and stuff! You look like a…a…a…” He thought fast and was just about to speak when Cady walked in singing loudly and really off key.

“…one eyed, one horned, flying, purple, people-eater, one eyed, one horned,

flying, purple, people-eater…” Kim, Eric and I just burst out laughing. Me, a one eyed, flying, purple, horn-eater or whatever? Please! I couldn’t help but laugh. Cady stopped wailing and looked over at us, eyebrow raised. She started moving over here but was quickly intercepted by Kyle. He jogged over to her and slipped his arms around her waist and murmured in her ear softly. Then, he kissed her gently and they moved over onto a chair lying near by. After, our laughing fits had come to a stop, Eric, Kim, and I joined Bella at the front of the ice cream parlor. Bella was just throwing away her empty ice cream cup as we met up with her.

“So, where to first, kiddos?” Bella asked, rubbing her hands on her jeans.

Before anyone could even open their mouths, Kim blurted out, “Victoria’s Secret!” We all looked at her surprised. “Uh hello? I’m in need of new undergarments!” Bella and I chuckled as Eric groaned teasingly.

“Fine whatever. Kyle and I will just go next door to that Science store thingy.”
He glanced over at the chair where Cady was sitting on Kyle’s lap, kissing him lovingly. “If only they could separate for just an hour.”

“Hey guys! Break it up! Otherwise, we’re gonna leave without you.” Kim called out, smiling at the two love bugs. They pulled away from each other and looked over at us, embarrassed. Cady climbed off of Kyle’s lap and brushed a long, curly, strand of hair out of her eyes.

“Hehe, sorry ‘bout that.” She bit her upper lip and a light pink color dashed across her cheeks. Kyle stood up too and straightened his jacket, then shook out his handsome, dark, curls.

“Yeah, we just um…got an “urge”. Anyways, we’re hot to go!” We all laughed and started moving towards the west side of the mall where Victoria’s Secret and Einstein’s Lab were. Kyle and Cady’s hands were locked together and they were swinging them back and forth. Eric and Kim were also deep in conversation about some movie they watched over the weekend. Even Bella was leaving a text message for Ryan to receive when he got out of the swimming pool. I felt so lonely…nobody was here beside me to laugh with me, or talk, or just hold my hand. God, Josh, I miss you so much. I ran my tongue over and over my top teeth but it didn’t take away any of the pain. If only he were still here, none of this would be happening. I would do anything to have him back, anything! Anything to have him beside me, squeezing my hand and whispering in my ear in that gentle voice of his. I needed so much for someone like him to be back beside me. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be Josh, I don’t really care anymore. Anyone that can take away this longing feeling that’s like a deep, painful, hole in my heart would do…anyone!

Chapter Six

I watched as Kim surfed through rows of slinky dresses and short skirts at Express, a bunch of bags already hooked onto her arm. Cady was examining two pairs of jeans, holding each of them up against her long legs in turn. Bella was in the fitting room, trying on a bunch of outfits. Since, I had told everyone I wasn’t gonna buy anything here, Bella had put me in charge of critiquing her clothes. I was playing with the silver chain on my charm bracelet while waiting outside Bella’s dressing room when the room door opened again. Bella flounced out in a gorgeous denim blazer, Seven cutoffs, and a soft white cashmere hoodie. She had also been wearing her white fluffy boots so they matched her outfit perfectly. Her smooth, glossy, raven, hair glimmered down her back and caught the fluorescent lights so they showed off streaks of purple. She placed a hand on her hip and the other by her side and flashed her small but beautiful smile.

“How does it look?” she asked, looking down at her outfit. I nodded and grinned at her.

“Dang Bella, you look fabulous! The blazer’s the hottest! You look so great in cashmere too!” I approved.

Bella shook her head, giggled a little then replied back knowingly, “Oh yeah sure, treat me really nice and I might give you something, right? Forget it, Val. Quit exaggerating! Here…” She reached into the pocket of her jeans lying on the small chair by the mirror and tossed me a stick of chewing gum. “That’s your prize.” I caught it with one hand, unwrapped it and popped it into my mouth.

“Yeah, but still, I really do think it looks beautiful on you, Bells.” I urged on, chewing on my fresh piece of gum. Bella smiled.

“Fine, I’ll take it.” She went back inside to change. Kim strolled over, holding up a black strapless dress and a blood red halter dress.

“Which one do you think works best on moi?” She asked me, dramatically waving her arms around herself. I squinted my eyes at the two dresses and finally decided.

“The black strapless. It’s really sexy with your blonde hair. You can match it up with that diamond necklace your mom got you. But why the heck do you need dresses right now?” Holding up the black dress, Kim gaped at me. I raised an eyebrow at her and suddenly, realization hit her face with a BANG. She nodded and sat down next to me, a troubled look on her face and then motioned for everyone else to come over too.

“Ok, I forgot to tell you guys this but my mom’s hosting a party for my Aunt Laurie and two cousins, Alex and Hallie that are coming. I totally forgot to tell you guys about it. It’s on Friday.” She informed us. Cady gasped and checked her watch.

“Ehmigawd! But…but that’s tomorrow!” Kim nodded, biting her lip. My mouth flopped open and Cady let out a silent scream.

“And you’re telling us now!? How could you be so forgetful, Kim! We have to look like THE BEST for every single party and how can we do that when you’re telling us one day before the dang party!?” Bella burst out. “We need to buy like a ton of things and you’re telling us like not even a full 24 hrs beforehand?” Kim winced and slumped her shoulders.

“I’m really sorry, guys.” She said quietly. I was the first to recover and I hugged her.

“Awww, it’s ok. I mean, we can still get stuff now. We just gotta hurry.” Cady and Bella broke out of their shocked trance and agreed with me.

“Um, and I also forgot to say, Alex, my cousin…he’s the hot one from Florida.” Cady’s eyes widened and she fought to control herself.

“Please tell me it’s not the one who’s buddies with Ashlee Simpson?” she asked, a hopeful and worried look spread across her face. Bella’s mouth opened in a round O shape and she whipped her head around to stare at Kim.

“Uh, well, um…it sorta is?” Kim confirmed Cady’s most feared answer. Cady let out a huge shriek and Bella started pounding her head against the wall. Even I started to panic and Kim started shrinking in her seat. “Uh, you guys should get started right?” She murmured, glancing over at the staring clerks over at the counter. We all looked at each other and at the same time, split in all directions. Kim raced over to the counter to pay for her new dress, Cady dropped the jeans she was trying out on a shelf and tore out of Express, Bella left her pretty, new, outfit in the dressing room and followed Cady out of the store, and I started running towards The Elegance, the best store in the mall to buy fancy dresses.

Chapter Three

He placed down the phone firmly in its cradle and smiled a little. Valerie Parker was such an interesting, lovely, and intelligent girl yet not as smart as he was. No, she wasn’t even close. She had no idea who he was or what he was about to do. He stood up and his eyes flashed in that special way. His eyes always flashed when he was excited…or angry. He moved swiftly, unlike his “undercover” character. His character was the person Valerie thought she knew. Boy, was she wrong. He was a totally different person. He was sort of like an actor hidden behind a small role, but once Valerie realized who he really is, he could finally have that leading part. She would learn to love his real self who was much more romantic and mature. She would learn that he loved her as he has never loved anyone before. He bet she didn’t understand that now.

But that’s absolutely fine, they were going to take it slowly, one at a time. Before she knew it, Valerie would find herself falling for him…uncontrollably fast.

He walked over to the heavy door that led to his chamber. It was actually his room but he liked to call it his chamber, it sounded more formal and medieval. Not that he was that interested in medieval times, it’s just he liked older periods of time, like Shakespearean…especially Shakespearean. People back then were different, more intelligent, and more valued and…that was enough thinking for the night.

He put his hand on the brass doorknob and pushed open the heavy door. It opened into a big room with a high, dome-shaped ceiling. Wooden, polished, floorboards lined the ground and stretched to every corner of the room. A huge, canopy bed was pushed against the right wall and was topped with thick layers of blankets, sheets, and quilts. A large window stretched across the left wall and was framed with long, heavy, maroon-colored, drapes that were closed right now. Wooden chests and a large wardrobe were placed against the north wall and his computer and desk stood at the opposite side. Picasso and Van Gogh paintings were hung up around his room. A large rug was placed at the foot of his bed. A brown couch was put directly opposite his desk. There was a wooden coffee table stationed between the couch and a large screen TV, not that he ever watched the TV, he was much too busy to be watching TV. A closet door was on the right side of his large bed. On the door handle, there hung a single old-fashioned key.

It had a beautiful design engraved at the top of the key. It was attached to a long piece of red string. The key was very important to him so he kept it near the bed at all times.

Instead of normal electricity lights, he had candle torches set up around his room. He nodded, satisfied with his inspection of his beloved room. This was his chamber, a place that nobody has ever been into besides himself and his parents. They were out of town for this whole month so he was alone in this big house for quite a while. It was perfect timing for his plans with Valerie Parker. He smiled thinly again and quickly changed into his nightclothes and slipped into his blankets. He had a big day tomorrow with big plans. He should get some rest. His eyes glimmered one last time and he reached over and switched off the electric candles. He laid back on his pillow and started to dream about his passionate lover, Valerie.

Chapter Two

Later that night, I woke up breathless and crying. I was tangled in my quilts and sheets and my pillow was damp with sweat. I had seen the whole scary scene happen again in a more terrifying nightmare. In the nightmare, Josh had actually looked at me in the woods as he fell. I had watched him hit the ground and I hadn’t done anything about it. Then, when I started hitting Ginger, I just couldn’t knock her out. She just grew more and more bloody and stared at me with terrifying red eyes. She kept on saying in a low, scary, robotic voice, “It’s all your fault, Valerie Parker. All your fault!” I pulled myself out of that terrible dream and took in a deep, shaky, breath and ran my fingers through my hair. I turned to look at my Snoopy alarm clock and squinted at the red numbers. They blinked 12:07 AM. My throat felt hoarse and dry so I untangled myself from the sheets and climbed out of my bed. The cold floorboards sent a shock up my legs. I shivered and reached for my bathrobe. I tied it around the middle and tiptoed downstairs. As I reached up in the cupboard for a cup, the phone rang. I blinked and looked at my digital watch again, 12:08 AM. Who the heck is calling in the middle of the night? I blew out, annoyed and tired but walked over to the phone. The caller ID printed, Unknown Caller. Curiosity racked my brain so I reached over and picked up the phone. “Hello, Parker residence?” I cleared my throat as I waited for a response. Suddenly, a deep, male, voice filled my ear.

“Hello Valerie Parker. How are you?” The voice spoke in a low, husky, tone and a slow shiver ran down my spine like a spider and I spoke slowly and uncertainly.

“M…may I ask who this is?” The voice spoke again.

“Oh, just a…friend of yours, you might say. I’m a person behind someone you know but don’t really know. You may not know so much about me because I’m nothing to you right now, but Valerie, I know many things about you. You’re full name is Valerie Kaylyn Parker. Your birthday was just yesterday and you turned 17 years old. Such a fine age don’t you think, Vallygirl? Yeah, I know what your sweet boyfriend, Joshua McWhite calls you. Oh yes, and you’ve got beautiful, cascading, dark hair like a magical waterfall. Your best features are those sparkly emerald eyes, two of the fairest stars in all the heaven. They could stop an entire army of men, hmm? Oh, and those two gorgeous, model-like legs and perfectly shaped body. Then, you’ve got that breathtaking, sweet smile that makes me swoon every time they enlighten your face.” He chuckled softly and my heart thudded like a drum in my chest. How did he know so many things about me? Only my best friends would know my full name, my birthday, and…Josh’s nickname for me. And the way he described me, it made me feel uncomfortable. I suddenly felt uneasy.

“Why do I know so much about you, you might want to ask? Because Valerie Parker, I love you. You’re as glorious to this night, being o’er my head. As is a winged messenger of heaven, that my white-upturned wondering eyes are in love with.” Another shiver tingled my body as I realized why his words were so rhythmic and poetic, some of his words were spoken in Shakespearean. He was quoting from Romeo and Juliet, like we were studying in English. These were the words that Romeo spoke to Juliet in Act 2 Scene II, when he was watching her in the Capulet orchard while she stood overhead, on her balcony.

“Are…are you saying I’m an angel?” I whispered, confused a little bit.

“Yes, fair maiden, a very bright angel that has made even the moon sick and pale with grief because her maid, Valerie Parker, art far more fair than she.” His words were carefully spoken, smooth and poetic, wise and romantic, but I felt nervous and edgy.

“Um, I’m not sure who you are but I’d like to know what you want. Who are you exactly? How do you know so much about me?” I pressed on, a little bit more panicked.

“That doesn’t matter right now, fair saint. What matters the most is I love you and trust me, you will love me too at the end.” His voice grew rougher and harder at the end, filled with determination and if it wasn’t just me, a little bit of menace. “We’ll be just like Romeo and Juliet, through love, despair, trust, pain, and…death.” I felt uneasy under his words and yet, I couldn’t hang up yet. It was something about his deep and luring voice or something that kept me hypnotized to the phone. “It’s getting late, Valerie so I’ll call you back in the morning, ok? Goodbye.” Without another word said, he hung up. I put the phone down and sat down on a chair. I really should be happy to have a secret admirer but I’m not. This Romeo-like stranger was creeping me out. He knew so much about me and he seemed so sickly in love with me and I didn’t even know who the heck he was. My heart was pounding and I realized I had been holding my breath. I took a huge gulp of water and rinsed my cup in the sink. My head pondered the same question over and over again.

Who was this guy and what did he want?

Chapter One

        I stood there along my street, my numb hand clutching Josh’s car keys tightly. The sharp edges of the key dug into my palms but I didn’t care. The icy wind bit against my thin sweater and I shivered a little. I looked next to me at Josh’s black Jaguar. It was parked there, just like I had left it. I never should’ve taken it. I had been too wild back there, I hadn’t been thinking straight. Now, just because I had acted so quickly on impulse and without thinking of the consequences, I had to explain why my boyfriend’s car was parked on my street with no Josh and why I had his keys. I ran my tongue across my upper teeth like I always did when I was nervous, frantically searching my brain for another plan. I slipped back into the driver’s seat and started the engine. I drove it as quietly as possible pass the houses nearby and towards Salmon Brook. I carefully turned the car across the small bridge and onto the other side of the stream. I drove deeper into the trees and came to a slow stop behind a bunch of bushes and tall plants. I turned off the engine and sat back. I was going to leave the car here. I crawled out of the truck, leaving the keys in the keyhole. I wove my way between the plants and pushed small leaves out of my face. I kept on walking until I had to look back. I turned around one last time to look at Josh’s new Jaguar parked there, between the plants and crossed my arms across my chest, feeling my heart twinge a little in pain. Josh had said he had bought the car for me because I had said his old car was too ugly. He had changed a whole new car just because he loved me. That brought back my last moment with Josh. I remembered his kiss on the cheek and could feel tears burning my eyes but I held them back. I just wished I had known that that was the last time I would ever feel his kiss. I turned away from the car and ran the rest of the way back towards my house.

I stopped at the front door and fumbled in my sweater pocket for my house key but my hand didn’t seem to be cooperating. Finally, I managed to get in and I closed the door and leaned up against it, closing my eyes. I didn’t want to remember anything that happened tonight, I didn’t want to feel anything at all. Yet, when I closed my eyes all I could see was Josh’s head and the curb meeting and blood…so much blood. My stomach churned and I took in a shaky breath. I needed a shower, a long, hot, shower, to wash it all away. I made sure my parents’ bedroom door was shut before I clumped up the stairs. They thought I was out with Josh, like I told them I would be. They could never guess, no, they would never know, what had really happened tonight, on the day I had thought would be the best birthday ever. I dragged the radio with me into my bathroom and turned it on. Maybe some music could calm my pounding heart.

“Two high school students, 17-year-old, Ginger Washington and 18-year-old Joshua McWhite were both found dead in the empty parking lot near the Chesterfield Woods…”I snapped off the radio in horror. They had found Ginger and Josh…the police. I mean I knew that the police would find them but I just didn’t expect it to be so soon or so unexpected! It seemed like everywhere I turned now it was the breaking news. Doesn’t anyone know that I just don’t want to hear it! I undressed and stared at my bloody fists. I slipped into the tub and turned the shower on. I gritted my teeth against the stinging pain as the water seeped into the blisters and cuts on my hands and knees made by the crumbly, uneven, ground and the rough impact of the punches I had thrown at Ginger. I tilted my head back towards the showerhead and closed my eyelids. The pain slowly disappeared and I started to felt numb but it felt good. I inched up the lever and the water came out hotter. It ran through my thick chocolate-colored curls and down my backside. The steam rose around me, wrapping me in its warm blanket. Finally, I turned off the water and stood there for a minute before stepping out of the tub. I wrapped my white towel around me and trudged into my room. I searched in my dresser and pulled on my cheerleader pajamas over my underwear. I walked over to my dresser and ran a comb through my wet hair. I guess today, I would just let it air dry. I hurried back to the bathroom and glanced at my pink halter, white sweater, and brand new C.K. skirt stained in blood and swallowed hard. I quickly stuffed them in a plastic bag and double knotted it. Along with the garbage, I threw it all into the garbage can at the end of the driveway. I pushed and crammed until the bags were at the very bottom of the can. Watching and loving criminal shows, I knew that I had to destroy the evidence of the crime if I didn’t want anyone to know I had been involved in it. Wait, I had to stop thinking of it as a crime! I didn’t do anything! It was all an accident! I couldn’t get the guilt out of my body though. The question that kept pondering my brain was “If it was all just an accident, why didn’t you report it? Why are you keeping it a secret?” I knew withholding evidence to a cri…I mean, accident was illegal but then why was I doing it? Shaking the disturbing thought out of my head, I moved away from the garbage can and back towards the house. I would’ve burned the clothes except I probably couldn’t have done it without waking up my parents. I slid into a kitchen chair and helped myself to some leftover chocolate chip cookies and a glass of cold milk. As I was finishing the last cookie, the shrill ring of the telephone pierced through the air and I jumped. Quickly, I stood up and glanced at the caller ID. Karen McWhite. It was Josh’s mom. My hand shook slightly as I picked up the phone.

“H…hello?” I whispered softly.

“Oh God! Val, thank God you’re alright! Oh Valerie, were you sleeping? Did I wake you? Did I wake your parents? Oh, I’m so sorry for calling so late but…” Mrs. McWhite’s voice was trembling. “Oh my goodness! Oh Val, do you know that something terrible…something…Josh’s dead!” She burst into loud, sobbing, tears.

I bit my lip and mumbled back, “Yeah, I know. It…it was on the radio. I’m so sorry, Mrs. McWhite.”

“Val, how did you guys get separated? What happened? One minute, Josh and you are all happy and going to your birthday bash and the next minute, I get a call from the police!” Mrs. McWhite choked on her last word and started to wail again.

I frantically sped through my brain and weaved a quick answer. “Oh, um…we were going to go to the uh—party together—but uh—well, you see—he um—he never showed up!” I felt ashamed and horrible because I knew that Josh had never ever stood me up and he never would’ve. “I called my friend, Kim and she said to go to the party without him so I did but uh—halfway through, I heard on the radio that…that…Josh had—had had an accident.” I let my voice fade away. I knew it wasn’t truth and I knew if Mrs. McWhite called Kim, she would know I was lying but I just couldn’t force myself to tell her what had really happened. This lie would just have to work temporarily. I would have to think more about the situation. Mrs. McWhite spoke again, trying to calm down.

“Is that what happened? Oh, what was Josh thinking?” She sniffed, “At least you’re okay Valerie. That’s good.” She sounded so upset and sorrowful and my heart ached for her.

        I tried to comfort her. “I’m really sorry, Mrs. McWhite! I really miss him too. I only wish that…” I could feel tears inching their way out of my eyes and I coughed. “I only wish that I could…could turn back time, you know?”

        “I understand, hon. I do too.” There was silence on the phone for a second before she continued. “I should let you get back to sleep. I’m so sorry for waking you if you were sleeping. Oh and Valerie, I’m here for you if you ever need to just talk, okay dear? I know you and Josh were very close. Maybe, you could come over for a cup of hot tea sometime.” I agreed and hung up. Taking in a couple of deep breaths, I hurried to bed, hoping to escape from the horrible truth.