Words Left Unspoken

Chapter One

        I stood there along my street, my numb hand clutching Josh’s car keys tightly. The sharp edges of the key dug into my palms but I didn’t care. The icy wind bit against my thin sweater and I shivered a little. I looked next to me at Josh’s black Jaguar. It was parked there, just like I had left it. I never should’ve taken it. I had been too wild back there, I hadn’t been thinking straight. Now, just because I had acted so quickly on impulse and without thinking of the consequences, I had to explain why my boyfriend’s car was parked on my street with no Josh and why I had his keys. I ran my tongue across my upper teeth like I always did when I was nervous, frantically searching my brain for another plan. I slipped back into the driver’s seat and started the engine. I drove it as quietly as possible pass the houses nearby and towards Salmon Brook. I carefully turned the car across the small bridge and onto the other side of the stream. I drove deeper into the trees and came to a slow stop behind a bunch of bushes and tall plants. I turned off the engine and sat back. I was going to leave the car here. I crawled out of the truck, leaving the keys in the keyhole. I wove my way between the plants and pushed small leaves out of my face. I kept on walking until I had to look back. I turned around one last time to look at Josh’s new Jaguar parked there, between the plants and crossed my arms across my chest, feeling my heart twinge a little in pain. Josh had said he had bought the car for me because I had said his old car was too ugly. He had changed a whole new car just because he loved me. That brought back my last moment with Josh. I remembered his kiss on the cheek and could feel tears burning my eyes but I held them back. I just wished I had known that that was the last time I would ever feel his kiss. I turned away from the car and ran the rest of the way back towards my house.

I stopped at the front door and fumbled in my sweater pocket for my house key but my hand didn’t seem to be cooperating. Finally, I managed to get in and I closed the door and leaned up against it, closing my eyes. I didn’t want to remember anything that happened tonight, I didn’t want to feel anything at all. Yet, when I closed my eyes all I could see was Josh’s head and the curb meeting and blood…so much blood. My stomach churned and I took in a shaky breath. I needed a shower, a long, hot, shower, to wash it all away. I made sure my parents’ bedroom door was shut before I clumped up the stairs. They thought I was out with Josh, like I told them I would be. They could never guess, no, they would never know, what had really happened tonight, on the day I had thought would be the best birthday ever. I dragged the radio with me into my bathroom and turned it on. Maybe some music could calm my pounding heart.

“Two high school students, 17-year-old, Ginger Washington and 18-year-old Joshua McWhite were both found dead in the empty parking lot near the Chesterfield Woods…”I snapped off the radio in horror. They had found Ginger and Josh…the police. I mean I knew that the police would find them but I just didn’t expect it to be so soon or so unexpected! It seemed like everywhere I turned now it was the breaking news. Doesn’t anyone know that I just don’t want to hear it! I undressed and stared at my bloody fists. I slipped into the tub and turned the shower on. I gritted my teeth against the stinging pain as the water seeped into the blisters and cuts on my hands and knees made by the crumbly, uneven, ground and the rough impact of the punches I had thrown at Ginger. I tilted my head back towards the showerhead and closed my eyelids. The pain slowly disappeared and I started to felt numb but it felt good. I inched up the lever and the water came out hotter. It ran through my thick chocolate-colored curls and down my backside. The steam rose around me, wrapping me in its warm blanket. Finally, I turned off the water and stood there for a minute before stepping out of the tub. I wrapped my white towel around me and trudged into my room. I searched in my dresser and pulled on my cheerleader pajamas over my underwear. I walked over to my dresser and ran a comb through my wet hair. I guess today, I would just let it air dry. I hurried back to the bathroom and glanced at my pink halter, white sweater, and brand new C.K. skirt stained in blood and swallowed hard. I quickly stuffed them in a plastic bag and double knotted it. Along with the garbage, I threw it all into the garbage can at the end of the driveway. I pushed and crammed until the bags were at the very bottom of the can. Watching and loving criminal shows, I knew that I had to destroy the evidence of the crime if I didn’t want anyone to know I had been involved in it. Wait, I had to stop thinking of it as a crime! I didn’t do anything! It was all an accident! I couldn’t get the guilt out of my body though. The question that kept pondering my brain was “If it was all just an accident, why didn’t you report it? Why are you keeping it a secret?” I knew withholding evidence to a cri…I mean, accident was illegal but then why was I doing it? Shaking the disturbing thought out of my head, I moved away from the garbage can and back towards the house. I would’ve burned the clothes except I probably couldn’t have done it without waking up my parents. I slid into a kitchen chair and helped myself to some leftover chocolate chip cookies and a glass of cold milk. As I was finishing the last cookie, the shrill ring of the telephone pierced through the air and I jumped. Quickly, I stood up and glanced at the caller ID. Karen McWhite. It was Josh’s mom. My hand shook slightly as I picked up the phone.

“H…hello?” I whispered softly.

“Oh God! Val, thank God you’re alright! Oh Valerie, were you sleeping? Did I wake you? Did I wake your parents? Oh, I’m so sorry for calling so late but…” Mrs. McWhite’s voice was trembling. “Oh my goodness! Oh Val, do you know that something terrible…something…Josh’s dead!” She burst into loud, sobbing, tears.

I bit my lip and mumbled back, “Yeah, I know. It…it was on the radio. I’m so sorry, Mrs. McWhite.”

“Val, how did you guys get separated? What happened? One minute, Josh and you are all happy and going to your birthday bash and the next minute, I get a call from the police!” Mrs. McWhite choked on her last word and started to wail again.

I frantically sped through my brain and weaved a quick answer. “Oh, um…we were going to go to the uh—party together—but uh—well, you see—he um—he never showed up!” I felt ashamed and horrible because I knew that Josh had never ever stood me up and he never would’ve. “I called my friend, Kim and she said to go to the party without him so I did but uh—halfway through, I heard on the radio that…that…Josh had—had had an accident.” I let my voice fade away. I knew it wasn’t truth and I knew if Mrs. McWhite called Kim, she would know I was lying but I just couldn’t force myself to tell her what had really happened. This lie would just have to work temporarily. I would have to think more about the situation. Mrs. McWhite spoke again, trying to calm down.

“Is that what happened? Oh, what was Josh thinking?” She sniffed, “At least you’re okay Valerie. That’s good.” She sounded so upset and sorrowful and my heart ached for her.

        I tried to comfort her. “I’m really sorry, Mrs. McWhite! I really miss him too. I only wish that…” I could feel tears inching their way out of my eyes and I coughed. “I only wish that I could…could turn back time, you know?”

        “I understand, hon. I do too.” There was silence on the phone for a second before she continued. “I should let you get back to sleep. I’m so sorry for waking you if you were sleeping. Oh and Valerie, I’m here for you if you ever need to just talk, okay dear? I know you and Josh were very close. Maybe, you could come over for a cup of hot tea sometime.” I agreed and hung up. Taking in a couple of deep breaths, I hurried to bed, hoping to escape from the horrible truth.