Words Left Unspoken

Chapter One

        I stood there along my street, my numb hand clutching Josh’s car keys tightly. The sharp edges of the key dug into my palms but I didn’t care. The icy wind bit against my thin sweater and I shivered a little. I looked next to me at Josh’s black Jaguar. It was parked there, just like I had left it. I never should’ve taken it. I had been too wild back there, I hadn’t been thinking straight. Now, just because I had acted so quickly on impulse and without thinking of the consequences, I had to explain why my boyfriend’s car was parked on my street with no Josh and why I had his keys. I ran my tongue across my upper teeth like I always did when I was nervous, frantically searching my brain for another plan. I slipped back into the driver’s seat and started the engine. I drove it as quietly as possible pass the houses nearby and towards Salmon Brook. I carefully turned the car across the small bridge and onto the other side of the stream. I drove deeper into the trees and came to a slow stop behind a bunch of bushes and tall plants. I turned off the engine and sat back. I was going to leave the car here. I crawled out of the truck, leaving the keys in the keyhole. I wove my way between the plants and pushed small leaves out of my face. I kept on walking until I had to look back. I turned around one last time to look at Josh’s new Jaguar parked there, between the plants and crossed my arms across my chest, feeling my heart twinge a little in pain. Josh had said he had bought the car for me because I had said his old car was too ugly. He had changed a whole new car just because he loved me. That brought back my last moment with Josh. I remembered his kiss on the cheek and could feel tears burning my eyes but I held them back. I just wished I had known that that was the last time I would ever feel his kiss. I turned away from the car and ran the rest of the way back towards my house.

I stopped at the front door and fumbled in my sweater pocket for my house key but my hand didn’t seem to be cooperating. Finally, I managed to get in and I closed the door and leaned up against it, closing my eyes. I didn’t want to remember anything that happened tonight, I didn’t want to feel anything at all. Yet, when I closed my eyes all I could see was Josh’s head and the curb meeting and blood…so much blood. My stomach churned and I took in a shaky breath. I needed a shower, a long, hot, shower, to wash it all away. I made sure my parents’ bedroom door was shut before I clumped up the stairs. They thought I was out with Josh, like I told them I would be. They could never guess, no, they would never know, what had really happened tonight, on the day I had thought would be the best birthday ever. I dragged the radio with me into my bathroom and turned it on. Maybe some music could calm my pounding heart.

“Two high school students, 17-year-old, Ginger Washington and 18-year-old Joshua McWhite were both found dead in the empty parking lot near the Chesterfield Woods…”I snapped off the radio in horror. They had found Ginger and Josh…the police. I mean I knew that the police would find them but I just didn’t expect it to be so soon or so unexpected! It seemed like everywhere I turned now it was the breaking news. Doesn’t anyone know that I just don’t want to hear it! I undressed and stared at my bloody fists. I slipped into the tub and turned the shower on. I gritted my teeth against the stinging pain as the water seeped into the blisters and cuts on my hands and knees made by the crumbly, uneven, ground and the rough impact of the punches I had thrown at Ginger. I tilted my head back towards the showerhead and closed my eyelids. The pain slowly disappeared and I started to felt numb but it felt good. I inched up the lever and the water came out hotter. It ran through my thick chocolate-colored curls and down my backside. The steam rose around me, wrapping me in its warm blanket. Finally, I turned off the water and stood there for a minute before stepping out of the tub. I wrapped my white towel around me and trudged into my room. I searched in my dresser and pulled on my cheerleader pajamas over my underwear. I walked over to my dresser and ran a comb through my wet hair. I guess today, I would just let it air dry. I hurried back to the bathroom and glanced at my pink halter, white sweater, and brand new C.K. skirt stained in blood and swallowed hard. I quickly stuffed them in a plastic bag and double knotted it. Along with the garbage, I threw it all into the garbage can at the end of the driveway. I pushed and crammed until the bags were at the very bottom of the can. Watching and loving criminal shows, I knew that I had to destroy the evidence of the crime if I didn’t want anyone to know I had been involved in it. Wait, I had to stop thinking of it as a crime! I didn’t do anything! It was all an accident! I couldn’t get the guilt out of my body though. The question that kept pondering my brain was “If it was all just an accident, why didn’t you report it? Why are you keeping it a secret?” I knew withholding evidence to a cri…I mean, accident was illegal but then why was I doing it? Shaking the disturbing thought out of my head, I moved away from the garbage can and back towards the house. I would’ve burned the clothes except I probably couldn’t have done it without waking up my parents. I slid into a kitchen chair and helped myself to some leftover chocolate chip cookies and a glass of cold milk. As I was finishing the last cookie, the shrill ring of the telephone pierced through the air and I jumped. Quickly, I stood up and glanced at the caller ID. Karen McWhite. It was Josh’s mom. My hand shook slightly as I picked up the phone.

“H…hello?” I whispered softly.

“Oh God! Val, thank God you’re alright! Oh Valerie, were you sleeping? Did I wake you? Did I wake your parents? Oh, I’m so sorry for calling so late but…” Mrs. McWhite’s voice was trembling. “Oh my goodness! Oh Val, do you know that something terrible…something…Josh’s dead!” She burst into loud, sobbing, tears.

I bit my lip and mumbled back, “Yeah, I know. It…it was on the radio. I’m so sorry, Mrs. McWhite.”

“Val, how did you guys get separated? What happened? One minute, Josh and you are all happy and going to your birthday bash and the next minute, I get a call from the police!” Mrs. McWhite choked on her last word and started to wail again.

I frantically sped through my brain and weaved a quick answer. “Oh, um…we were going to go to the uh—party together—but uh—well, you see—he um—he never showed up!” I felt ashamed and horrible because I knew that Josh had never ever stood me up and he never would’ve. “I called my friend, Kim and she said to go to the party without him so I did but uh—halfway through, I heard on the radio that…that…Josh had—had had an accident.” I let my voice fade away. I knew it wasn’t truth and I knew if Mrs. McWhite called Kim, she would know I was lying but I just couldn’t force myself to tell her what had really happened. This lie would just have to work temporarily. I would have to think more about the situation. Mrs. McWhite spoke again, trying to calm down.

“Is that what happened? Oh, what was Josh thinking?” She sniffed, “At least you’re okay Valerie. That’s good.” She sounded so upset and sorrowful and my heart ached for her.

        I tried to comfort her. “I’m really sorry, Mrs. McWhite! I really miss him too. I only wish that…” I could feel tears inching their way out of my eyes and I coughed. “I only wish that I could…could turn back time, you know?”

        “I understand, hon. I do too.” There was silence on the phone for a second before she continued. “I should let you get back to sleep. I’m so sorry for waking you if you were sleeping. Oh and Valerie, I’m here for you if you ever need to just talk, okay dear? I know you and Josh were very close. Maybe, you could come over for a cup of hot tea sometime.” I agreed and hung up. Taking in a couple of deep breaths, I hurried to bed, hoping to escape from the horrible truth.

Prologue

He held my hand tightly in his and smiled at me with that adorable lopsided grin. “Happy Birthday, Vallygirl!” I smiled back at him, stared into his gorgeous gray eyes, and rewarded him with a kiss on the cheek.

“Aw thanks, Joshy! You’re the best!” I murmured in my steady boyfriend’s ear and nuzzled his nose. We drove along the crumbly pathway on our way to one special evening date at the beach. Josh’s cousin and friend, Jayson and his girlfriend, Lauren were probably already there, waiting for us. It was my 17^th birthday and we were going to celebrate it together with an awesome beach party bash. I even bought the newest Calvin Klein miniskirt for it. I was so excited! I gazed out the window, trying not to show my giddiness but I couldn’t help but bounce up and down. I heard Josh chuckle beside me.

“You can’t wait, huh? Me neither, can’t wait to see your face when you see what we have planned!” I turned away from the window and faced Josh, raising my eyebrows.

“You planned something else beside what you told me? Ooooo…gimme a hint please!!!!!” I begged him, giving him my best puppy-eyed look. Josh was about to answer when his bright smile turned down into a frown. He swerved off to the side and I turned around to see what had caught his attention. We had come to a stop next to an abandoned parking lot near the Chesterfield Woods, or what we teenagers called, the Ghost Forest. The trees in there rose high and shaded the ground beneath them completely. You could barely see the path that entered the forest. It disappeared into darkness just a few feet in. People said that those who went deeply into the Ghost Forest never came back out. Kids swore that they heard strange sounds coming out of the Ghost Forest in the middle of the night but of course, I didn’t believe that. Neither did Josh, it was just some ghost story people made up to get attention. After all, nobody lived around here. Actually, nobody even drove around here anymore. Josh only took this path because it was a faster route to the beach. Only a few people knew about it. What had really caught Josh’s eye though, was a classmate of ours, Ginger Washington walking slowly nearby the curb that outlined the parking lot. Ginger was a dorky girl who was too smart and ugly to be part of our crowd, the popular crowd.  She looked upset, worried, and a little bit frightened. Her carrot red hair was loosely bound and tied in a messy ponytail. She was wearing an faded planets t-shirt and too-short jeans and was shivering in the winter cold. Her glasses were crooked as they clung to her nose. Her pale hands were clutching a couple plastic bags that looked pretty heavy.

Josh pulled over and asked her, “Hey, what’s matter, Ginger?” I smiled to myself, Josh was always so nice the to everybody. Ginger looked up and froze, as a mask of fear and terror covered her face.

She stepped back and cried out, “Oh my gosh! No!!!! Why do you have to appear now? No! I can’t do this! I can’t do this! Please, don’t come any closer!!!” She started to cry for no reason. I frowned and stepped out of the car and crouched next to her.

“Hey Ginger, are you okay? What’s wrong?” She just sat there, hugging herself with her thin arms and crying softly. “C’mon, tell me what’s wrong. Maybe I can help you.” Ginger looked up and stared at me hesitantly with her tearstained cheeks and watery eyes. I smiled encouragingly at her and whispered, “Ginger? What is it?”

She finally made a decision and said in a low, hiccupping voice, “It’s nothing. Um…it’s just that my…my little sister, Izzy is home alone. She’s only 10 years old! H…her friend just sent her back home after Girl Scouts and she’s probably freaked out of her mind right now! I’m s..s…supposed to be at home to baby-sit her. See, I went sh…shopping for some groceries but I missed the bus and it was the last one of the day. I tried to walk back, but it’s such a long way! I’m so tired.” She started to sob again, digging her face into the palms of her hands. I glanced at Josh and he caught my gaze and sighed, we both knew what was coming up next. Ginger looked up at me, then at Josh, then quickly back at me and tried to straighten her nerdy glasses. Her face was filled with hope. “Hey, can you guys take me home? I don’t live that far from here, really! Well, by car we could get there in probably about 20 minutes! Please? I’m so scared for Izzy. What if something bad happened to her?” she pleaded desperately. Josh shook his head.

“I’m really sorry Ginger, but we can’t! It’s not that we don’t want to, it’s just Vally and I are going to meet some buddies at the beach and party, you know? We’re already late. And I forgot my cell phone or I would call someone to come pick you up, promise!” He shot one of his famous crooked smiles at Ginger, hoping to make her feel better and apologized again. I bit my lip and shrugged at Ginger then climbed back into the car, careful not to wrinkle my miniskirt. We started to pull off and then heard Ginger crying out again, like a pitiful trapped creature.

“Please guys! Can…can you at least wait with me until I can catch a ride back home? This place is really creeping me out. You know what they say about the Ghost Forest.” Her eyes darted around nervously and she hugged her hands closer to her chest. I looked at Josh and watched him consider her plea. Ginger placed a hand on the door of Josh’s Jaguar and begged again softly, “Please…” I shrugged and at the end, we did stay. Soon, I got bored and reached into my purse for my copy of Romeo and Juliet we were reading in English. I started concentrating on reading just as Josh spoke again, a little more annoyed this time.

“Man, Ginger! I think you should just walk home! I mean a few steps can’t hurt right? It’ll be good exercise. Don’t be lazy! Or at least walk out to the main road where there actually ARE cars to pick you up!” He leaned back against the car seat and stretched, gazing at Ginger. “…’cause, nobody comes along here anymore, it’s way too old! Seriously, just walk.” I sighed and stepped out of the car.

“Hey Joshy, I’m just going to go use the restroom ok? I gotta go bad.” I smiled at him and gestured at the edge of the woods. Josh leaned over and planted a light kiss on my cheek.

“Ok babe, I’m so sorry about this. I’ll get it fixed soon.”

I smiled reassuringly and replied, “Don’t worry about it! It’s not your fault.” He nodded and I headed off into the woods…but not too far in. Just because I didn’t believe in the ghost stuff didn’t mean the woods didn’t creep me out. As I was pulling up my skirt, I heard Ginger yelp angrily. I scrambled back towards the parking lot and stood near the trees and watched Josh and Ginger argue. They didn’t see me.

“Of course, a scared girl and her poor little sister don’t matter much compared to your precious party right, Joshua McWhite?” Ginger retorted sarcastically.

Josh’s eyes flickered for an instant and he yelled back, “What the he…” He struggled to control his temper. “Ugh! Do you know how much time we have wasted just sitting here, waiting with you, Ginger? And you’re saying that we’re not doing anything to help you? Of course, this party means more. Do you know that it’s Valerie’s 17^th birthday? And yet, here we are, waiting with you for a car that’s never going to come and you’re saying that we’re not doing anything? You could just friggin’ walk home, Ginger! Man, I’m just so pissed!” He groaned and glared, infuriated at Ginger.

“Oh my gosh! I should’ve known, nothing is important compared to whatever you guys are planning. After all, you guys are popular and rich!” She spat out the words, “popular” and “rich” like they were dirt. “You obviously wouldn’t know what it’s like having to help support your family because your parents don’t earn enough money and are always out working. Yeah, you guys ALWAYS get what you want! You know what? I should listen to my cousin. Maybe he is right…people like you and Valerie are just spoiled rich brats. You guys don’t know when to stop wanting and to start appreciating what you already have! You think you’re the best and you’re on a higher level than the rest of us when actually you’re not!” She didn’t get to say anymore because Josh all of a sudden lost his self-control and his usual string of patience snapped. He stepped forward and shoved Ginger hard.

“SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!!!!!!” He yelled in her face, his own contorted in rage. His eyes were flashing dangerously and he got close to her and shouted at her, his eyes blazing an inch away from her’s. “You think our lives our so perfect? Well, that just shows how much you know…nothing! You should just keep your trap shut if you don’t have any idea what you’re talking about which you obviously don’t! After all, you’re just a geek!” He shoved her again still really angry. I didn’t know what had come over me, all I could do was just stand there and stare at them fight like I was watching a movie. Ginger screamed and suddenly pushed back with all might.

Ginger’s push couldn’t have been that hard but Josh totally wasn’t expecting it. I mean, who would’ve? Josh was a well-built football player and Ginger was…well, a skinny, scrawny, little, girl. Josh was tall and strong, and if I were Ginger, I’d be scared out of my wits if a big guy like him got all up in my face and I would just step back and apologize. Problem was, I wasn’t Ginger, and she didn’t do what I would have done. She actually fought back and it caught Josh off guard. He didn’t think that she would have the nerve to push back. I didn’t either. Still, she did and Josh stumbled backwards and saw the big rock at the edge of his feet a little too late. His eyes widened with fear and he grappled the air for something to hold onto but nothing was there. He tripped over the rock and at first, I thought he would catch himself before he hit the ground. He stuck out his hand, trying to grab onto his car to break his fall, but his hand slipped off the slick car surface. To my horror, he fell back, his arms flailing in the air, a look of surprise spread across his face. I froze and for a second, it felt like everything had stopped as I watched the only thing that was moving, Josh’s head, as it slammed against the concrete curb. A loud crack sounded the air and seemed defending in my ears. Suddenly, I broke out of my frozen trance and sprinted across the lot towards Justin, a scream caught in my dry throat and my heart pounding in my rib cage. I fell to my knees near Justin and I cradled his head in my lap and stroked his fine hair, screaming his name and eyes wide with fear.

“Oh my gosh…oh my gosh! Joshy? Josh! Hey baby, please wake up! Please, Josh! I’m here! Oh my god! You’re okay! Just wake up!” I pleaded, but there was no response. It was just a body lying there, cold and unmoving. No, not just any body, Josh’s body…my Joshy’s body was sprawled across the ground. How could something like this happen to him of all people! This couldn’t be real! It can’t be real! Tears flooded my eyes and burst out of them and flowed uncontrollably down my cheeks. I sobbed out loud and felt a huge bubble of fury rising in the pit of my stomach. I felt sick as I jumped to my feet and whirled around to face Ginger, who was backing away, a look of shock and terror stretched plainly across her face. I gritted my teeth, I had never felt more furious in my life then I had then. I ran towards Ginger and shoved her to the ground. I raised my fist and punched her hard in the face. I felt her jaw bone crack under my knuckles but I didn’t stop…I couldn’t stop! Usually, such a feeling would sicken me but for some horrible reason, it didn’t, it actually felt so good. A feeling I’d never felt before was spilling out of me like a beast. It had burst out of its container and was using its newfound power and strength all on Ginger. I punched her over and over and over again. She cried at me to stop and kept on screaming,

“Stop! PLEASE! Valerie! NO! I didn’t mean to! I didn’t want to! I swear! I’m sorry! STOP! OH GOD! STOP!” Her pleas fell on deaf ears and I didn’t stop. I punched, hit, screamed, and sobbed despite all her shrieks that faded with each hit. I attacked her until I couldn’t anymore. By then, Ginger was knocked out cold. Her face was bloody and swollen but all I could see was Josh’s cold, pale, face, and the blood that spilled from his head onto the cement. I struggled to my feet and without another look at the two bodies, ran to his car and got into the driver’s seat. I just wanted to get away. I wanted to get away from it all, everything! I put the car into gear and slammed on the breaks, my tears still flowing, burning my face as they ran like everlasting rivers. I didn’t look back, I didn’t hesitate, I didn’t call anyone, I just kept my eyes on the road in front of me though I couldn’t see anything through the thick curtain of tears that blocked my view. I drove on and on.

And I didn’t stop.